Redditors Share The Rudest Guests in Their Homes (Best Of r/AskReddit)

Serious. What is the most disrespectful thing
a guest ever did in your home? 01
While we were out, houseguests staying with us rearranged our furniture and artwork according
to their own taste. This is my mother in law every time she visits.
She also tries to throw out my furniture. Mine used to like to go through the cupboards
and try to take things home. Once, it was a dish I had bought the previous weekend and
she tried to say it was hers. Your comment just made me flashback to that
time of my life and the pure rage mother in law would make me feel. Bleep that devil woman.
My mother did this in our old place. She would rearrange the whole living room so her chair
was by the window, and open the window so she could have fresh air. She would do this
in November, and get cold, so she would turn on the gas fireplace and the heat up to 78.
Any complaints from anyone would result in a crying, usually drunken, tantrum with her
stating that guests should be comfortable! You don’t think of me as a person. Always
a fun Thanksgiving. 02
This was a guy I was seeing. My son at the time was 2 and a half. He had
a teddy he brought EVERYWHERE with him. It didn’t bother me cos kids like comfort
toys. Well, this guy had an issue with it. So we’re out on my balcony and my son had
showed this guy his teddy bear. He had grabbed the bear, threw it over the balcony, and told
my son to grow up. Bears are for babies. Darran, you’re a bleep. I still cannot stand
you. That honestly sounds like something that would
happen on TV or in a movie to show that somebody is a bleep. It’s so extreme and bleep that
it doesn’t seem like reality. So to instill maturity into a small child,
he lashed out like one? Seems valid. I hope you use his name as a verb for when someone
does something bleep and immature. You already know he’s gonna be a bleep when
his name can’t be spelt as DARREN. Just had to tweak it a little and name him Darran. 03
Had a friend staying with us for a while. She was trying to get back on her feet. I
had just adopted a new kitten, about 10 weeks old. One day, I am standing in the kitchen,
talking with said friend, when I hear my new kitty meowing, loudly, but sounds kind of
muffled. I proceed to start looking around for her. She sounded distressed. Said friend
just stands there, with a kind of crooked smile. So I asked her where the kitten was.
She said she had no idea. The meows are getting less and less, and I am walking all over the
place, waiting for the next meow to lead me to her. She. Was. In. The. Freezer. WTF? I
pretty much screamed at the psycho, upon retrieving my shivering, confused, and miserable kitten,
“WTF did you do?” She smiled and said, “I thought you knew. Cats love to be cold!” I
told her, well, that’s just great, and since she claimed to love and understand cats so
much, she will appreciate how cold she would be tonight on the street out of my house.
I told her she had about 10 minutes to get her bleep and get out or not only would she
be getting an bleep kicking, I would be calling the police regarding her cruelty to animals.
She left. Kitty survived to be 18 years old. 04
One summer while my family was up north, my best friend at the time asked if her and my
other good friend could use my pool. I said okay and told her where the key was. She ended
up throwing not 1, but 3 house parties at my house without my knowledge. My grandmother
even walked in on 1 because she was there to water the plants. The entire house was
trashed. There was bleach spots on my lawn, bong water stains on the kitchen tablecloth,
and broken glass everywhere. Wasn’t friends with her after that.
I knew somebody who was asked to house sit for the summer while the homeowners were out
of the country. A neighbor teenage kid was the same age as the homeowners’ son. They
were ostensibly friends. This kid had a key. Well, this kid would come in and eat food
in the house, use the computer, act like he lived there. Most egregiously, he threw a
big party that trashed the house, during which an expensive statue was broken.
House sitter had some friends over at one point and one flushed a toilet they weren’t
supposed to, which flooded the bathroom floor. That conveniently got blamed on the neighbor
kid. 05
I used to live in a party house and several people tried to get into the room where this
drunk girl was passed out. The night turned into my roommate and I taking turns guarding
the hallway. It’s been nearly a decade. I’m still disgusted by everybody.
Edit. First off, thanks to the kind stranger who gave me the gold. I just got off a 12
hour shift and holy bleep did this blow up. As much as I’d like to read all the comments
and get back to everybody, I probably won’t be able to tonight.
So I’d just like to say, I wish this world wasn’t such a wretched place where people
have to watch their backs all the time. If you think something may be wrong, don’t be
afraid to say something or tell somebody else who can help. If you see somebody who has
maybe had too much, please offer them a ride or a safe place. You could make a world of
difference. The worst thing that should happen to you
when you pass out at a party is someone drawing bleep on your face in permanent marker.
Super weirdly enough, many of those guys wouldn’t think that it is what it is – rape.
Extremely bleep up. 06
The guy who we invited to our weekly poker game after he creepily found out about it
from a mutual friend and invited himself. It was around Christmas time, so he brings
2 fruit cakes and tells my roommate and I, girls, in front of our other friends, mostly
guys, that the cakes are just for us because they’re low in “sat fat” – his obnoxious way
of saying saturated fat – and “girls don’t wanna get fat.”
He then proceeded to play like an absolute bleep head – splashing the pot, trying to
bet under the minimum, folding out of turn, etc. He was loud and rude and kept saying
weird things all night. Just as everyone was getting thoroughly sick
of him, he turns to me and asks me if I want to go on a date sometime. In front of about
12 other people. I was not in any way attracted to this guy, nor had I done anything to encourage
him to think so. I told him no as nicely as I could, but goddamnit, he persisted.
He asked me out again, and said, “If you say no this time, everyone will know it’s because
you think you’re better than me and I’m not good enough to go out with you.”
Of course, I wanted to tell him that I thought he was an bleep hole and that’s why I didn’t
want to go out with him, but I didn’t want to end up having a SVU episode based on my
gruesome murder. I sputtered out something about not wanting to date anyone at the moment
and he more or less accepted it and shut up. We never invited him back and we had poker
at someone else’s house for awhile after, just to be sure he wouldn’t show up.
He later got arrested for threatening to shoot his neighbor over a parking spot he’d shovelled
out. The only correct response to that is, “Yes.
I do in fact think I’m better than you because I don’t resort to bleep blackmail to make
someone date me when they obviously don’t want to”.
Or to pull an exaggerated look of relief and say, “Phew. I’m so glad you said it so
I don’t have to,” and then continue the poker game normally. 07
Relative stayed at our house over the holidays, and went into our room and drawers. When my
wife came home, she asked my wife why does she have so much makeup if she doesn’t use
them, and proceeded to ask if she could have some of the items she found for keeps.
That sounds like something I might try when I was 9.
My sister-in-law did this, except she skipped the asking if she could keep it step and just
used my bleep. How did I know? Because she left a lot of the products without their caps
on strewn all over my vanity and the bathroom. I have really sensitive skin and that’s just
unhygienic anyway to be sharing bleep that will be sitting on your skin all day. I had
to toss a bunch of stuff and thoroughly disinfect whatever I could.
She also used half a roll of toilet paper each time she used the restroom which, of
course, meant the toilet was perpetually stopping up, which she wordlessly just left for the
next person to discover. Not once over the course of the months she
was living with us did she do the dishes, but she sure as hell used them. I’d come home
from work to find dirty dishes left all over the house.
She smoked in the house even when I asked her not to and left ashes and cigarette butts
in empty cans around the room she was staying in.
But I think the worst was, after she left, finding that she didn’t bother tossing her
used pads and instead left them wadded up and tucked into various crevasses around the
room. Jesus bleep, I’m so glad she’s back living
in my mother-in-law’s house. 08
I went out of town for 3 weeks and asked a friend to house sit. In exchange, I would
pay her. All I needed was mail collected and garden watered every day – takes about 25
minutes – and pick the beans and cucumbers – maybe 15 minutes.
She hung out in my house all day every day playing video games. She watered the garden
once, for a couple of hours, the day before I was to come back.
Everything was dead. Beans and cucumbers dead on the vines and my pumpkins and squash all
got powdery mildew. I actually cried. I had cleared that garden space the previous year
from 20 years of blackberry bramble and fixed the soil.
Edit. Thanks so much for all the replies!
To answer some questions. No, I didn’t pay her. I quote unquote, forgot.
We don’t speak anymore at all. The garden didn’t rebound. I moved from that
place that spring and last I heard, the blackberries took back over.
I am working on a new garden now. 09
When I was about 8, our family did a house swap with another family because they lived
near London and we lived near the coast so it was a change for both families and a cheap
way to holiday. One of their idiot kids who stayed in my bedroom
peeled off my glow-in-the-dark stickers off my bookcase because they said they were stopping
them from being able to sleep, which is total bleep BS because there’s no way they could
be bright enough to stop anyone sleeping. That was 33 years ago and, as you can tell,
I’m completely over it now. Oh bleep, not the stickers.
Some uncles came and stayed the night with New York family once. I was sick, but it was
insisted they have their own rooms, so I slept in a recliner. One of my uncles took my room,
and their son took my mom’s. The bleep rearranged my mom’s nightstand and
stole some of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. 10
A friend was house sitting for me while I had a long weekend away. They said they would
stop by 2 days out of the 5 to make sure everything was good and water my plants.
They showed up the day I left, unplugged my fridge, and left.
Came home to everything rotten and it smelled like someone was murdered in the fridge. Called
and asked what happened and she said she was mad at me because her brand new boyfriend
said I was cute. I was in a committed relationship with another woman at the time. Literally
the last person to be interested in her scumbag boyfriend.
We weren’t friends after that and it took everything in me to not go kick her bleep.
I’m not a fighter by nature, but that tested me.
Yeah, I would have put her inside that fridge and buried it.
What is the logical process to blame someone else for the comment of another?
There’s the problem. LMAO. Who unplugs someone’s fridge?
Satan. Satan would unplug it the 1st day, then go
back and plug it back in the last day and, I don’t know, spray some febreeze or something
in that bleep. So you don’t know your fridge was out or your
food is rotten until you go to eat it. And then there’s the sudden horror when you realize
EVERYTHING is rotten. 11
A friend of mine decided to take a bleep in our bottle of handwash in the bathroom because
he didn’t like my stepdad. When he came back laughing, I asked him what
was up and he told me, expecting me to find it hilarious. I did not.
I also had another friend stay over one night and he stole my HDD out of my Xbox 360.
Edit. This was 5 years ago and 7 years ago respectively. They are no longer my friends.
You can stop telling me to find better friends now.
I had a roommate do that to my shampoo bottle once. I noticed the weight difference before
use, because it was nearly empty the day prior and then suddenly full the next. Had to refrain
from beating his bleep because I honestly thought the guy was having mental issues.
In the end, the landlord gave me his half of the deposit towards the months rent since
he moved out the same day without giving any notice. Better to be bleep off than bleep
on I guess. 12
When I was in high school, a couple of friends were staying the night when one of them decided
to grab a case of 10,000 airsoft pellets and fling them all over my room. For 10 years,
up to the point where I moved out of my parents house, I was able to find airsoft pellets
somewhere in my room. One of the most blatantly bleep things I can
think of. A similarly funny story. My brother once lived
with a bunch of his buddies renting a house. One day, one of them gets a big bag of packing
peanuts from the post office and dumps it down the stairs to make a waterfall.
Then they sat there for months. Dude never picked them up. Anytime someone would tell
him to pick them up, the dude would grab a small handful, toss it in the trash, and go
back to what he was doing. When pressed to do more, he would say, “There’s
too many of them.” 13
I can’t remember who it was. It was a family member. My son was around 2 and he was getting
himself an apple or an orange. He’d get it off the counter, peel the sticker off, wash
it, and proceed to peel it or just eat it. Well, as he was washing his fruit, a guest
goes to him and takes his fruit, and tells him he’s too young to be getting his own food.
I tell them I taught him how to get a snack and it’s okay if he wants to eat some fruit.
They insist that he should ask first and when he said please, they washed it and prepared
the fruit for him. To me, that’s disrespectful because I teach
my son how to take care of himself and he gets so happy when he can do more things for
himself, and they took that away from him and made him beg for something that was already
his. You don’t have to explain yourself to someone
about how you’re raising your kid. It puts the power in their hands. Just get the fruit
back from that person, give it back to the kid, and say if you don’t like it, go get
some kids and raise them however you like. A cousin of mine did this. I had not seen
him in a few years when this happened. We were in my kitchen and my boy – 2 at the time
– had asked me for a banana, which he could reach, and I told him yes. He runs off and
grabs it. That’s when my cousin snatched it from him, thinking he was being funny,
saying he was going to eat it. My kiddo started crying and then my cousin had the nerve to
tell him to shut up. Yeah, he never came back to my house. 14
I had a friend I hadn’t seen in YEARS that lives in another state decide to surprise
me and fly down when I was 2 weeks postpartum – after a c section to boot. Strike one.
Then she spent the entire weekend hitting on my husband. He’s a super laid back guy
and even he was wildly uncomfortable. We haven’t spoken since.
I went to visit a friend who was 2 weeks postpartum once too. I spent the whole time cooking,
doing laundry, wiping poopy butts, and cleaning her house top to bottom. If that’s not what
you’re doing for someone who just gave birth, you better get the bleep out.
I have a friend like this. We used to be close. On a whim, she texted me, “What’s your
address? My boyfriend and I would like to visit with our cats!” Luckily, I wasn’t
postpartum, but asked, “How long do you plan on visiting?” To which she responded,
“I’m not sure! Our house foreclosed.” This was when I was living paycheck to paycheck
going to school. I rented a 1 bedroom apartment and had 2 cats of my own. 15
I lived in a small house, so my dressing table was a table and wall mirror near the front
door. One day, we had people over while it was raining, and my husband’s cousin came
in, picked up my hairbrush from the hall table, and brushed her wet dog with it.
I’m so sorry, I can’t stop laughing about this. The level of ignorance and shamelessness
you have to have to just pick up someone else’s hairbrush and use it for your dog is ridiculous.
Some people just go through life not knowing how they come across at all because everyone
is just left speechless. Reminds me of my uncle who opened my cousin’s
– not his son – hair trimmer christmas gift and used it to trim his dog’s fur.
This reminds me of when I had a lady staying with me that was a little unstable. Never
really realized how unstable she was until I noticed the dog brush was missing and later
found it after she had moved out, hidden and full of her hair on top of the fur.
I was at a friend’s house and her very large dog kept coming up to me and licking my hands,
my arms, face, my small children’s hands, arms, faces, etc. I’m not a huge dog person
and normally I’m just like “ew” but whatever, my friend is a dog person and I
figure I’ll just deal because the dog seems sweet. Well, after a few licks, the dog would
disappear and I could hear him getting a drink and then he’d come back and lick us all
some more. This cycle repeated about 10 times. Finally realized the dog was drinking out
of an unflushed toilet and I wouldn’t allow him to touch us anymore. My friend just smiled
and said, “That was the deal breaker, huh?” It turns out she knew the whole time where
he was drinking from. Yuck! WTF! 16
This girl stayed over at my house after the pub. I went to bed with my fella, woke up.
Girl was gone. Walked into the bathroom later that day. Place stank of bleep. Eventually
pulled back the shower curtain. There was a jug I use for washing my kid’s hair. She’d
bleep sort of half in the jug, half in the bath?
I mean, it was an odd enough thing in the first place, but there’s a toilet in that
bathroom, which you have to walk past to get to the bath!
I got a message on Facebook that evening saying, “I’m pooped. Thanks for letting me stay.”
I confronted her and she claimed she had no idea about it.
Obviously, she’s never been invited over since.
Reminds me of when we had this girl stay over after a night of drinking. She slept on the
futon in the TV room. Next morning, she leaves. The room smells
of bleep. To our relief, she didn’t bleep herself sleeping, but we found the source
of the smell coming from my PS4 controller. What?
We pick it up and bleep starts leaking out of it. There’s no sign of bleep anywhere
else. We were utterly baffled. She had no memory of how that bleep got inside the controller.
Still, she was mortified and immediately bought us a new one.
That’s one unsolved mystery. Honestly, it’s totally possible that it was
an honest mistake on her part. Actions that are extremely familiar and second nature,
such as using the toilet, are sometimes performed in a kind of dream state when a person is
blacked out. I remember a story from college where our
friend had one of her girlfriends from California stay over a night. The girl ended up getting
so drunk that she walked into our friend’s room thinking it was the bathroom. She pulled
down her pants and panties, squatted over our friend’s legs, and dropped a big steamy
pile right on her ankles. I’m not saying the girl from your story deserves
to get off scot free, but people do really weird bleep when they get to a certain level
of drunkenness. 17
Just rehabbed my first home. We hired a contractor to come hang new doors. He showed up with
his kids. Whatever. I guess he couldn’t find a sitter. Dude does a mediocre job. Actually
bleep up one of the doors and tried hiding it with spackle. I later found the word POOPIE
written on the freshly painted wall in the room his kids were playing in. 18
Bleep in my laundry basket, racked up $400 in long distance calls, invited crackheads
back to my place. Oh yeah. Sat down on my computer that had
Pandora going on my system, changed the station, logged me out of Facebook and logged himself
in. Do you remember your Facebook password? Because I don’t. I asked him to get up and
get off of my computer twice. The 3rd time, I grabbed him by the neck and opened the front
door with his face. 19
She’s actually here right now, and just put my mom’s homemade maple syrup in the
trash. She threw out my night mouth guard once.
Wait, wait. Why is she compulsively throwing stuff in the bin?
She thinks it is helpful. You should help her out the door.
And into a bin. As a Canadian, I am severely offended. Bleep,
don’t touch my bleep pancake icing! 20
When he left the house, he didn’t shut the door. I’m not saying he didn’t lock the door.
I’m saying he didn’t even LATCH the front door. I came home and the front door is wide
open and you can see inside the house from the street. I am a woman who lives alone.
Bleep you, Ben. EDIT. Not gonna lie, it was pretty great to
go to lunch and come back to find out that reddit has jumped on the “screw you ben” bus.
And don’t worry, this Ben knows who he is. I had a friend who would do this. She lived
in the city and used to come out to my house in the suburbs for weekends in the summer.
She had a habit of always insisting on my exiting any door ahead of her. We’d come home
from dinner and the door to the house would be standing wide open. When I asked what the
hell she was thinking, she said, “Oh, I have a doorman in my place who closes the
door so I’m not used to closing doors.” No she doesn’t. I’ve been to her apartment
and she still has to close her own apartment door. It’s not like she had a private doorman
and did she see a doorman at my house? No. It happened more than once and really irritated
me. Then I started insisting on going out last since she couldn’t be trusted. I could
have been robbed. She also used to walk a few steps behind me anytime we went anywhere
and it was irritating A F to talk to her over my shoulder. Don’t know what was up with that.
We were just friends, but maybe it’s a Japanese thing? I kept asking her to stop it. I don’t
see her anymore because of all of this and because I realized that we have nothing at
all in common, so have the same conversations all the time.
Ben did the same with the gate at my place! He was encouraged to use the front door, but
instead chose the back one and left the gate wide open. I realized about 30 minutes later
when the dogs were missing. Bleep Ben.
EDIT. The dogs are safe. Or were safe. One is dead now, but he was 17 and had a full
life. Oh my gosh, I’m Benning up this happy ending. The dogs were a couple of blocks away
eating trash from a dumpster. They were gassy and happy for the next day.
The same thing happened to me! He came home at 4am. I woke up the next morning, freezing,
to my door wide open and a little snowdrift in my porch and kitchen. Worst thing was,
I hadn’t had a chance to buy a shovel yet so I had to bail out the snow with my cookie
sheet. I’m also a woman and lived alone at the time. 21
Mom invited a family friend over for lunch. Mom said the friend was coming with their
husband and 2 kids. They came with 2 freaking families we did not know. The quiet moment
when mom’s eyes move in silent subtle horror. Happened to us the year after my grandmother
passed. I agreed to cook Christmas dinner the first year of her passing. We have a large
family and it was a lot to live up to. The woman was a hero at Christmas. We do the starter
and dessert in waves because there are so many people. Everyone has to bring a chair
so we can all sit down together, albeit a bit squashed, for dinner.
My aunt asked if she could invite her sister in law that year, as she was alone on Christmas.
After checking it was okay with everyone else, they were welcome to attend. In the end, they
brought their family of 6 and each adult child – 4 – brought their partner. To chip in, they
brought a small casserole to contribute. LOL. Try this one. Everyone is an adult in
this story. Friend is invited to a barbecue we are having. He sends his whole family – grandparents,
parents, siblings, child, dog – but never shows up himself. 22
Well, my mother had a friend who had the most annoying kids on earth. They literally take
food out of our fridge and eat it without permission and splash water in our bathroom
and make a mess. And once, her son took sunflower seeds from our kitchen and started eating
and spitting the shells on our couch. His mother just looked at him and laughed and
my mother was looking at her like, “Are you bleep kidding me?”
Needless to say, this was the last visit. This reminds me of when I went to a small
barbecue at a friend’s house. They also invited some other friends of theirs, who had twin
5 year old boys and a 7 year old daughter. Those boys were the naughtiest kids I’ve ever
met in my life. They peed against my friend’s living room curtains and their mother did
absolutely nothing, aside from a feeble “don’t do that boys”. On a previous visit, they had
also peed on my friend’s indoor plants. The worst thing is that 4 years later, this mother
is running parenting courses on how to parent teens. Twins are now 9 and daughter is 11,
so she doesn’t even have teens. 23
I pick up friends from the airport only to find out that they’ve invited themselves to
stay at my place to save money. They also save money by consuming my food and alcohol
and trying to get me to split the bill 50/50 when I’ve had a corona and empanada and
they had Florida lobster, stone crabs, and those giant fish bowl margs. No more. You
don’t have a place. There’s a $20 a night hostel down the road.
This friend I used to have tried to pull that bleep with me years after the friendship was
over. He’d message me when he was on a plane, bus,
or train headed to my city – which is on the other side of the country from him – and ask
me for a ride. When I’d say no, he’d then ask if he could stay 1 to 4 nights if he got
an Uber to my place. That was one of the few times I truly enjoyed
telling someone to go bleep themselves. 24
Had sex in my bed. I know because after they left, a penis ring was in the sheets. Never
threw something out so quickly. My sister did something similar. My wife and
I went out of town for the weekend and my sister needed a place to stay while a local
downtown basketball tournament she was entered in. Well, when we got back a couple days later,
something didn’t smell right in the house. Followed it all the way to the living room,
where we had a futon. It was folded down. When we had left, it was folded up. She had
invited her friend with benefits over and had sex while she was on her period and never
cleaned up after. The smell was so bad because it was the middle of the summer and no AC
was left on. She still has never acknowledged it to this day.
Roommate at the time. Lent him the futon because his mom was visiting and staying in his room.
Lent it to him on the condition that he didn’t have sex on it. He did anyways, while it was
in the living room of the house. My story is much the same, except only one
of my guests had sex in my bed. With my – now ex – wife. 25
My mother was in the middle of her fight with cancer. She had been flown overseas a few
times, was in the middle of chemo and radiation, all while trying to work and take care of
my elderly grandmother. She is one of the kindest and most compassionate people in our
community, so everyone was rightfully really concerned about her and her well being.
Except for her uncle, who came to the house frequently just to complain about his nonexistent
medical issues, without asking ONCE how she was doing. Even on days when she was laying
in a darkened bedroom shivering on a summer day and couldn’t come out to greet him because
she felt so poorly, he’d still sit in our living room and loudly whine about how his
doctor told him he’d have to change his diet for his blood pressure. She is the one who
patiently listened and sympathised with his BS the most, but did he return a pixel of
her compassion? Of course not. My mom has been in remission for years now
and it still fills me with fury what a selfish narcissistic idiot bastard he is. He’s dead
to me. This made my blood boil. My grandmother had
lung cancer and was passing. We brought her home so she could be in her own bed. One of
my mother’s friends came over to see her. The husband, who was a bleep head naturally
and I couldn’t stand, of the friend had just been diagnosed with lung cancer himself.
He looks at my grandmother and goes, “Will I look that bad when I’m dying?” I went
off. I told him he didn’t look that good now and to get out.
Some people. 26
Bleep my girlfriend in my bed on my 18th birthday after I went to work 27
My husband’s uncle’s wife died. They were married for 30 years, total sweethearts, and
he was devastated. Aunt Dot was wonderful. Everyone loved her. He couldn’t cope being
alone so he put an ad out on and the first woman to reply, he married. She
is the definition of white trash. He brought her to our house to stay for a long weekend
to help us put in a deck in our backyard and so we could meet her. She decided to buy a
puppy on the drive over, which wasn’t potty trained. It was a Pomeranian and I thought
it was full grown and house broken. I’m at work when they arrive. I come home to bleep
puddles all over my living room, with her sitting on my couch on a new laptop he bought
her. She wasn’t watching her puppy. Just letting it roam. I was in the kitchen at first and
didn’t see what her puppy has done. Within 5 minutes, she told me how Aunt Dot’s adult
children were terrible and trying to take his money, that they didn’t approve of her,
and on and on. Then I saw the dog. I have 2 dogs myself, but she had locked them outside.
Needless to say, their weekend was cut short and left early. 28
We had a friend over who spent the entire evening telling us how ugly our home was.
Like, we drove up and he said, “What a bleep hole,” and then made rude comments about our
furniture and decor once he was inside. Our house is really nice in a nice part of
town, decorated tastefully and simply. I was livid by the end of the night.
Edit. To all of the comments suggesting I kick him out, I couldn’t kick him out because
he’d been drinking and we took his keys. I did eventually yell at him for being a bleep
and felt much better. “I’m like gonna have an opinion because
I am entitled to my opinion and your house is ugly, your girlfriend is stupid, and your
dog is gay, and my other friends have really nice houses. I am friends with Beyoncé’s
cousin, as you know, and they threw a party 3 weekends ago that was amazeballs. Your mother
is kind of old. Did she wait too long to have you? You know old women give birth to bleep
kids. My god, your brother is so hot.” 29
They tried kicking my cat because she got too close. This family member KNEW I had cats
before coming to visit and said it was no problem. Needless to say, they’ve never been
invited over again and anytime they stop by for something, their bleep stays on my front
porch. Don’t bleep with my cats. In 6th grade, my parents got me my first cat
for Christmas, a little black kitten that they got on a whim when they saw a free kittens
sign. Not too long after, I had a sleepover with 2 friends, A and C. A was a cat lover
and C thought he was bad luck because he was a black cat. Apparently, he walked in front
of C kind of at the top of the stairs, and she kicked him and he fell down the stairs.
A and I were naturally upset and let her have it. C said she was sorry and she wouldn’t
do it again. In the morning, as we were still laying around in the living room, my kitten
was sniffing around C’s sleeping bag. She was uncomfortable but didn’t say or do anything
because she knew we would kick her out of our friend group. He kneaded a minute or so,
then did a couple spins, and sprayed all over her sleeping bag. It was the most wonderful
delivery of karma I had ever seen. He was fixed shortly thereafter. LOL. 30
Back in my bachelor days, my buddy and I decided to hit the nightlife in some bars in Austin.
I was never a big drinker and had a few beers over the course of the evening. He was drinking
vodka all night like it was water. Needless to say, he was in no condition to drive across
town to his place, so I told him he could just crash at mine. Sunday morning, and I’m
getting ready for church. Knock on the door and ask if he’s OK. Told him he could sleep
in while I’m gone if he wants to, but he just says he’s got to get going and quickly leaves.
Get back from church a few hours later and the entire apartment smells like bleep. Sniff
out the source in the guest bed. Evidently, the bleep had woken up during the middle of
the night and evacuated a beagle-sized turd into my sheets, rolled them up, and then continued
sleeping the rest of the night in the same bed he had befouled. The real WTF, other than
sleeping all night next to a rolled up sheet with your own monstrous deuce in it, is that
he could have just stayed after I left, cleaned up, and I would have probably never known.
Bleep you, Warren. Bleep that Warren guy. Needs an bleep whipping.
Needs an bleep wiping. I had a grown bleep woman, like 50 years old,
in good health, bleep all over my bathroom and blame it on my 3 year old. My kid can’t
wipe her own butt without puking. I know every turd that comes out of that kid’s body personally.
She didn’t bleep on the floor, Janice. You did, you sick bleep. 31
My sister brought her boyfriend over to my house and proceeded to tell him how I ruined
her life because I was born 2 years after her and stole all her attention and that is
why she is depressed to this day. At the time, she was 30. Get right the bleep out of my
house with that nonsense. She’d been saying it for years but that was the last straw.
My health problems, which she credits with stealing her attention, didn’t affect me that
much and they happened to me. I’m not sure she understands the concept of
siblings. That is ridiculous, but my older brother does
it too and he’s approaching 40. He always was – and still is – our mother’s very painfully
clear favorite, but he thinks I stole her away from him just because I dared to be born.
The guy absolutely hates my guts to this day. Screw people like that. 32
Future mother in law started pulling out flowers and vines she didn’t like and to top it off,
not clean up the mess she made. My mother in law did this for years. I thought
it would cause issues to confront her, but I finally said, nicely, please stop and ask
before you start your death from above gardening. She didn’t.
Next visit to her house, I went to her balcony and pulled up several plants that offended
me. What you you doing?
What you do to me every time you visit. Here’s the deal. You stop and I will stop. You don’t
stop, I’ll start to unravel everything you crochet and a few Precious Moments are going
over the balcony every time we bring the kids by.
It stopped. It’s been decades and our relationship is so much better. 33
Probably the time where my parents let a family member stay in my room for a while and they
found my stash of money I was saving. To this day, he lies to my face and sticks to his
story that I lost it. 34
My roommates and I lived in a basement suite in a house during our 2nd year of university,
with the landlord upstairs. The landlord was the chillest landlord who
ever existed and was fine with us throwing parties every weekend, pretty much. She had
rented to a group of musicians for years before us and was accustomed to the noise.
One time, she came down the set of stairs connecting the upper and lower suites to drop
off some mail. The door in our basement is normally locked from the outside, so we can’t
go upstairs through it, but she must have forgotten to lock it back up on her way out.
Later that night, we noticed that one of our friends, John, had disappeared. His shoes
were still by the door, so we assumed he had walked outside barefoot. We didn’t really
make much of it because he suddenly appeared back half an hour later.
The next day, the landlord comes down and says that we had an escapee last night. We
were all confused for a moment, but then it all clicks for us at the same time. JOHN!
She recounted the story of what happened to us. Turns out, John had been feeling adventurous
and, without realizing what he was doing, opened the door to the upstairs and walked
up. He made his way to the fridge, opened it, and started eating handfuls of pie straight
from the tin. Not only was she cool enough to not immediately
call the police or put an end to our party, she started talking to him. She asked him
how old he was. 19. We are Canadian so we are legal to drink. She follows up with, “How
long have you been 19?” Thinking it was his birthday, which would explain the excessive
drunkenness. His answer to that was, “I’ve been 19 for 2 years. I’m from Campbell River,
a small town in British Columbia, where time moves incredibly slowly.”
After her laughing at his joke and finishing his handful of life, she escorted him back
downstairs like nothing had ever happened 35
My mother in law decided it was fine for her to smoke in our house after being explicitly
told by my wife that it was not okay. I smoked at the time and even I did not smoke in the
house. I had a roomy who did this. Too lazy to walk
20 feet to our covered front porch to smoke. When he moved out, we found so many cigarette
butts in his room and it stank so bad in there. Bleep. 36
Husband and I threw a party at our house once. Never again. So many guests just had no bleep
respect for our property. One guy got in an argument with his girlfriend and punched a
hole in the drywall in our downstairs bathroom out of frustration.
Someone threw a jello shot at the wall. It went unnoticed until morning, when I found
it had slid down the wall and ruined the carpet. We had typical party food set out for people
to eat, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for some people. I caught one lady cracking
some of our eggs on to a paper plate because she wanted eggs. Caught another bleep putting
an entire bag of my pizza rolls into the microwave, bag and all. For bleep sake, we had tons of
snacks out. There is no excuse to dig through our goddamn fridge for something else.
Smoking in the house when we clearly told everyone to smoke in the garage. Found lots
of cigarette butts laying around in the house. We’re done having parties.
Edited to add. Holy bleep. I didn’t think this many people would respond. I should have
added some back story to my original post. The idiots that caused trouble at our house
weren’t even friends of my husband or I. We planned this party with one other guy who,
behind our backs, invited a bunch of his own friends, who all brought guests. The day of
the party, we thought everything would go smoothly even if we had a ton of extra people.
The more the merrier, as they say. Turns out we were wrong and have since learned our lesson.
We also chewed out the other guy for inviting his bleep friends and their buddies. So to
answer all of the messages of your friends suck, yeah, one of them did. We don’t talk
to him anymore. 37
My friend’s husband peed in the hallway when we were all drunk. He said the bathroom was
full and he couldn’t make it outside to pee on a bush. Next time I saw him, I gave him
a small potted plant with a homemade men’s room sign stuck in it, and told him now he
had a port-a-potty. The plant died. It committed suicide to save itself from the
horror it had been destined for. 38
Killed my hamster in the Microwave! It was the only time I beat someone’s bleep,
and both my mother and his mother said the bleep deserved it! 39
My partner’s friend was staying with us and brought his large dog. One night, his
dog tore up one of the bed’s pillows. Instead of letting us know, he just stuffed the pillow
and feathers into the pillow case to hide it. He left the next day and I went to wash
the sheets. I pulled the pillow out of the case and completely covered the room in feathers.
It was 3 months ago and I am still finding feathers floating around.
We give him a lot of grief for it. 40
Had a friend come over once and we drank together. She invited a boy over. I went to bed. Woke
up to her yelling. Told her to be quiet. My mom was sleeping. She started yelling at me,
“Bleep you, bleep you,” because the boy she invited over was talking to me more. A
boy I had 0 interest in. Followed by my mom waking up in the morning to find that my friend
had passed out on the couch with all our backdoors wide open. 41
I invited my neighbor over one day when we were having a barbecue in the backyard. I
was making hamburgers and hotdogs. Neighbor asks for a hotdog with no bread. Then this
bleep walks over to the condiments and unscrews the cap on the squeeze bottle of mustard and
just dunks his dog in. He may as well just open the fridge and drink from the milk carton
when he’s done with hillbilly mustard dog. Okay, this is bad, but it’s also kind of
hilarious. Who the hell just dunks an entire hotdog directly into a bottle of mustard?
Keto. 42
After an afternoon of drinking, a friend of mine, my girlfriend and her friend, had all
decided to sit down on the couch and watch a movie.
We had all fallen asleep, when my girlfriend nudges me to wake me up. I woke up to see
my friend standing in the corner, bleep onto my dogs bed. Bleep like a racehorse, as they
say. It just kept going and going and going. My girlfriend – now crying with laughter – comments,
as I just stare incredulously, “I have never seen you look shocked!”.
Finally, as the bleep continues, I exclaim “GORD! What the bleep are you doing?”
He looks back at me, smiling, and say, “What?” I replied, “YOU’RE bleep IN MY HOUSE!”
He laughs and says, “No I’m not.” Finishes, sits back down on the couch, and immediately
goes back to sleep. Names have not been changed to protect the
idiot. He has not been to my house since.
The 3 of us continue to laugh about it to this day. 43
My married sister flew in from out of town to attend my brother’s wedding. I was living
with my brother at the time, so technically it was my home too.
Night of the wedding, my brother and his new bride go to a hotel room to do what newly
married couples do. My sister brings some rando home from the bar and afterparty and
proceeds to bleep him in our brother’s bed. Oh, and she was apparently on the rag cause
the next morning, it looked like someone bled out on the mattress.
My brother is a bigger man than me. He bought a new mattress and forgave the sister for
her, uh, transgressions. 44
We said not to eat in the guest bedroom, and when we went in there after they had left,
we found ice cream all over the sheets. Also, the same people left flecks of feces
in the bathroom sink and feces soiled toilet paper on the bathroom floor on 2 separate
occasions. 45
During my dad’s 50th birthday, one of his coworkers – who was invited – was very drunk.
He then tried to touch my sister. Thank you for watching this video. Check the
description box for links to the original Reddit thread and for more info on our channel.
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